My journal writing journey

Warning: Nerdy stationery blather, 200m.

My mom left work recently and brought a haul of delicious stationery back with her, a lot of which she bequeathed to me.  There are a couple of moleskines in there.  A Leuchtturm 1917 that I've been dying to try and one brandless black notebook with thick paper, perforated pages and the thinnest ruling I've ever seen. 

I have my stock of future diaries for at least several years.

Lots of people ask me how on earth I manage to maintain a journal.  The short answer to that is that I really don't know.  

The long answer is probably that I have a somewhat obsessive personality.  When I start something and I really get into it, I can't let it go.  I can't sleep if it's not done and I don't feel comfortable until I've settled whatever it is that I keep dwelling on.  

Journalling is like that for me.  I started keeping a regular diary when I was about 12 years old.  My best friend at the time actually spurred me into the habit and for a while we journalled lots about each other.  She was a far more regular writer than I was and now I wonder where she is and whether she's kept it up, as I have.

My 12-year-old diary was nothing important - rants about my brothers (whom I now love to bits) and newspaper clippings of Pierce Brosnan, my first love.  

I didn't journal every day but I found that if you just keep returning to something, it becomes first a habit, then a part of life and I haven't stopped writing since.  I've been asking myself why and finally come to the realisation that it is the purest form of alone time I have.  I don't pray or meditate.  I'm very messed up in my head.  So when I sit down and put pen to paper, no matter what drivel pours out the tip, for once, I'm centered and still in a far more zen way than when I'm at the computer.

I express things I never knew I felt, marvel at the way problems look on the page, and more than once I've made a discovery that has changed my outlook on things completely.

I've kept records of everything, right down to meals that I ate with my first boyfriend when we were 17.  I have a terrible habit of switching notebooks each time there is emotional upheaval in my life.  Two days after the break up, I bought a cheap sketchbook and cried into it during my lunch hour.  And now, I've made a switch once again so that I'm not carrying all that horrific baggage around with me.

I adore stationery.  I spend a significant portion of my pay cheque on it.  I can spend hours on notebook sites that go into detail about paper quality, tooth and journal reviews.  And I love to read about it and about the journeys people take when they write about their lives.   

So I thought, just in case someone out there has a similar fetish, I would share mine, and a bunch of journalling tips that have worked for me over the years.

This is the journal I currently write in, and that is the pen.  I'll get into the specifics of stationery further down.  First however, here are the things that have worked for me in writing a journal and sticking to it.

1)  Don't pressure yourself

Just the other day a colleague remarked on the discipline necessary to write constantly and I've learned that for me, at least, that discipline is a misconception.  Journalling works for me precisely because I'm not disciplined at all.  If I forced myself to make entries every day, I would soon tire of the whole enterprise.

Instead, I approach it with the knowledge that as long as I come back to it at some point in time, I can always carry on.  This way, even when I've not written for three or four months (which happens occasionally) I don't feel awkward getting back into the habit, or worse still, guilty about avoiding it.  Skipping days or weeks isn't a sign of failure.  It just means I'm living life until I get back to writing about it.

This approach also means I always have time to write when I want it. 

2)  Always have the material handy

Because of rule number one, I always keep one personal journal "running".  I don't carry it around all the time, but it's there in plain sight and easy reach for when I need it.  I think part of the pain in starting up again after a long hiatus is having to go out and get a notebook and say, "Okay, from today I am going to start again," until it goes tits up in three months and it's all buried under an avalanche of old files.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Instead, I just have one book going at all times and I come back to it as and when I need to.  Easy peasy.

3)  Don't feel embarrassed about the content

Every single person who has told me they want to keep a journal but don't (my students included) has said that the one thing that is stopping them is how silly they feel the thoughts are.

Conversely, every single person I know who keeps a journal acknowledges that they've written silly things at one point (most of the time, even) but they never, never regret writing them.  Sometimes, this is just who we are.  And it helps to get things out of the system.  If no one but you ever sees this writing (and you don't even have to go back and read it) what does it matter how silly it is?

Another thing people always tell me is that they don't know what to write about.  I feel like even just writing about the things around you in the moment can become a valuable memory - what you were wearing, what you thought about that morning, what music was playing on the radio, how you were feeling at the time.  

4)  Enjoy the process

This is a big one for me.  I keep on writing because I love it.  Because there's no time pressure or quality control on the content, I don't feel frantic or guilty or critical of the things I write.  I just treasure my alone time and I've even made a ritual out of it.  Once or twice a week, I head to work early.

I go to the quietest cafe I can find, buy a cup of coffee, some breakfast and open my book.  I always, always start with the date, the day, the time and location and then I write whatever comes to mind.  I can write for ten minutes or one hour, and I always end up feeling calmer, more refreshed, more ready to face the world.

That's pretty much all I need to keep me going.  Stationery, on the other hand, I have much stricter rules about.  My first diary was a cheap blue bound notebook from the school bookshop and I absolutely massacred it.  When the bindings of those books started falling apart, I realised I needed a more permanent solution and my love affair with paper products started.

My criteria for a good writing material is:

1)  Sturdy, but flexible binding.  So, so important. 

2)  The notebook must lie flat when opened.  I broke many notebooks by forcing the binding flat so that I could write neatly across them.  When my mother first brought me a Moleskine years ago, I was absolutely shocked by the miracle that was a perfectly even writing surface and I absolutely fell in love with them.

Nowadays there are many, many notebooks engineered to perform this feat.

3)  Good quality paper.  The Moleskine is the thinnest paper that I will write on.  In fact, it is almost universally recognised that moley paper is some overpriced sub-par 70-something gsm crap that barely holds together under wet inks.  Its success is testament to the power of good marketing.  If the paper were better, it would be absolutely ideal.

As it is, I'll use them when I have them because a) I only get them free or discounted, b) they look awesome and c) I still love the binding.  If I could customise a notebook though, only 80 gsm and up would do.  (In this regard I am dying to try the Rhodia notebooks one day.  They are now filled with Clairefontaine paper which is supposed to be the stuff of angels' tears.)

4) Lines must be narrow.

5)  If it is spiral bound (God forbid) the spiral must never get in the way of my horrible Leftie handwriting posture.

6)  Pens must be fine-nibbed and waterproof.  (Generally I only use the Uniball Signo at present.)

At present, I use a Zequenz 360 notebook that my friend, David (also an avid journaller) recommended to me.

What I love about this book:

The binding is ridiculously flexible and seems hardy so far.  It's called the 360 because it's made to roll up completely and spring back into its original shape.  That is some hardcore shit right there.  The cover is similarly flexible which means that it can take more crap than some.  The book is incredibly light.  It's not too big, but not so small that it feels like one of those pocket pads.  The cover is red.  Look at that gorgeous colour.  It comes with a little magnetic bookmark that you can clip to hold your place, which I feel is far more sturdy than the fraying ribbon that comes with many mole-a-likes.

What I don't like about this notebook:

The lack of lines (you can get lined ones, I just couldn't find them).

And the paper, oh god, the paper.  At 70 gsm, there's a lot of ghosting and faint bleedthrough and sometimes I worry that it will go soggy and holey.  Thankfully, my uniball 0.38 pen nibs flow very smoothly and sparingly, so the paper will just about hold.  I have to be careful with markers and highlighters though.

I guess that's the price you pay for flexibility and I suppose that's what makes them good travel companions.  David took one with him throughout the Middle East and it held up just fine.  You can get them at some Popular bookstores, but they're getting a bit harder to find in Singapore.  Thankfully, there's a better supply online.

Shall we talk about pens for a minute?  Do let's!

This is Uniball's latest offering.  I love it so much that I've converted even Amanda.  You buy the pen barrel and can choose it to hold three or four different ink refills of whatever colour, nib size or ink type.  Pop them in and you're ready to roll. 

It's like a much better quality version of those heinous multi-coloured ballpoints we all used to own in school.  Remember how the blue and black would invariably run dry first leaving you with only anaemic shades of green and red?

I used 0.38 refills on mine, in black and blue-black ink.  The transparent part makes it easy to see your colours, so you can choose any random colours in whichever position and change them up when you please.  (Don't you need a cute girl to endorse your pens now, Uniball?) 

Voila!

If you're still alive, I hope you enjoyed this post.  I will happily answer (at length!) any questions on stationery-related matters, if anyone cares to ask. 

What the hell, even if you don't, I'll still be conducting long paper rambles anyhow.  It's my blog!  Hah!  Oh, the power!